And now a light post so I won't continue to alienate the readers w/ my disgruntled ramblings

Get Jamie Foxx's Unpredictable.
Rape and pillage local villages to get the funds if you need to.
Just get your hands on it.
It is butt-fuckingly great R&B.
One of my particular favorites off the album.

Jamie Foxx - Heaven

Tell me have you heard the story
That took place not long ago
Bout an angel up in heaven
They say she up and ran away from home

Word is she had unfinished business
So back on earth she had to flee
Well you know I'm so elated
Because she's laying right next to me

And when God woke up that morning
And he called out her name
And when she did not answer
Heaven will never ever ever be
Heaven will never be the same
Never be the same

Always dreamed that it would happen
I just didn't know exactly where
All my life I'd been waiting for something amazing
Said it took a while but now I know
So tell me can I get a witness
If you believe in miracles
And the proof I have is living
And my life will never ever be
And your life don't have to be the...

At times it seems we take for granted
How precious life can be
Just hold on and I'm sure you'll understand it
Bringing into this world
A precious boy or girl...And when I woke up that morning
Said where has my little angel gone
And when she didn't answer
Heaven will never ever ever be
Heaven will never be the same
Yeah,Yeah
-------------------------------

So yea, I guess Jamie Foxx qualifies as one of the guy's I have a "man crush" on.
Just jealous of how extremely talented he is.
A modern day renaissance man.
Didn't need luck to get where he is today.

Again, little humor, lots of self-analysis and more shit from above... Literally.

Pretty sure I've hit a new low.
Good part of the day, getting to chill with Ada.
Now let's look at the bad parts shall we.

Funnel Cake Factory opens at 11am, that's when we walk thru the door and they tell us they're not ready yet.
So we walk around the Irvine Spectrum for a half hour and come back.
Lots of things still aren't ready, we're getting bad customer service from grumpy employees, and I think I feel I got overcharged for my fundae.

Fundae: Funnel Cake plus Sundae.
Looked a helluva lot better in the picture.
No nuts, barely any ice cream or whip cream, and no hot fudge available at the time.

Doesn't seem like it's worth the $6 I paid for it.
Add a dollar and some change for some chocolate milk.
Chocolate milk I realized was expired halfway thru the bottle.
Best served by Dec.24th.
Checked my phone, today's the 29th.

Life is wonderful.
Should've gone back to bitch at them, at least get a refund, but I'm a defeated man right now.
It's not easy dropping all of my dreams and aspirations one after another in such a short span of time.
Not to mention the strange feelings in my tummy.
Sure, I've got a strong stomach that can handle the combination of carne asada and boba.
But, I'm a veteran of a few cases of food poisoning, I'm worried 'bout being able to make it home in case it turns out bad.

I drive home as fast as reasonably possible.
Avg. speed at times 75.
When will people learn that the far left lane is the fastlane and probably not the best one to be in to go 55?
Also almost had my car get clipped twice by people cutting through traffic on their cellphones and not using their turn signals.
They built them for a reason people.

Would be nice to get involved in a major accident though.
It would just make sense.
Let's just hope it never gets to that.

I get home, learn that expired milk smells funny when it leaves your system, and get shitted on by the resident hawk while checking the mail.

How was your day?

And GenerationX from the 701 area code just called....
Right.

The Random Quote:
"Okay!" - Toad

Not much humor in this post, feel free to skip if you'd like.

So yea, last year was the only year in our relationship that Sandee and I actually got to do the midnight kiss to ring in the New Years with.
Folklore says something along the lines that doing so will ensure an everlasting, and loving relationship.

Glad to see it's worked out fine so far.

Would we have been better off not being able to do that like years past?
To be bound at different family obligations.
Was it really a blessing that her parents finally let her go out with my family after having to default to hers for so long?

Who knows?

All I know is that alot of guys won't admit that they're in the wrong.
Either because of stubborn pride or extreme denial.
Most guys won't even come around to want to talk 'bout the problems in the relationship.

People tend to do stupid things when they're full-on head over heels in love with someone.
Like default to one person over an entire fraternity.
Or be in denial that there is something wrong with the perfect relationship.
I'm no longer in denial.
I'm no longer in "honeymoon mode."
I want to talk to resolve issues and repair the great relationship we had.

When will I get that chance?
Possibly sooner than later.
I've realized that I've exhausted all of my options as far as co-borrowers go.
My parents were my last resort.
Only person left I can think of that has a good credit standing is the same person I said I'd give space to.

Yup.
Sandee

Quite a dilemma huh?

When did this epiphany hit?
Either while I was smoking cigars and drinking cheap wine in the backyard alone on Christmas Eve, or when I was getting rid of some of the shit from my life into the toilet the other day.

Still searching for good things to balance out all the bad ones...

The Random Quote:
"Awwwwww....SHIT!" - The Replacements

Why there's a general belief that Santa Claus is a guy:
He shows up once a year, comes into your house, empties his sack, eats all of your food, and disappears before you wake up.

That being said, happy holidays everyone.

Still need a co-borrower for the loan.
Parents said "no" with many diffrent words.

The Random Quote:
"All I want for Christmas is you." - Various

Hell yea!
I just spent the last 6hrs. locked out of the house with only a wife beater, grey shorts, and standard boxer briefs because it was a laundry day for me.

So about 11:30am I decided to grab a water bottle to put it in the fridge so it can keep me company while I jog around the neighborhod later.
Turns out someone had set the lock on the garage door w/o my knowledge.
I didn't know it was set 'til the door closed behind me and I was unable to open it.
30mins. later, I realize locksmith isn't a great profession for me to jump into.
Damn new locks.
So much for Plan A.

So I spend the next few minutes drinking one of the beers we leave in the garage.
Mmmm.... it's warm.
I also assess my current situation.
All the doors are locked, and we don't hide spares outside the house
I've got access to the garage and the backyard.
Gotta remember to use the kickstops on our doors.
Probably gonna miss my job interview today.
Don't know anybody's work number off the top of my head.
But I do know my brother's cellphone number.

New plan.
Go to elderly woman next door and ask to use phone.
She takes one look at me.
Wife beater, grey shorts that go to the top of my knees, shaved head, glasses, and love handles.
She assumes I'm threatening and doesn't allow me to go inside the house to use her phone.
She does however promise to call up my brother's cellphone and leave him a message.

Life's great.
Got locked out of the house, got to deal w/ a bit of racial profiling, and I'm freezing my ass off cuz there was a really strong, cool breeze in San Marcos today.

So I have lots of freetime available to me while I wait around for my savior in the form of my brother and a house key.
But freetime leads to thinking when things haven't been going your way.
Deep thinking.
With many questions.
Like when is all of this minor shit coming down on me gonna let up?
I understand that I can be worse off. That I live in a mostly good country. That I have my health.
But all the things that have been happening to me the past few months add up and wears out my soul.
Who the hell did I piss off to receive such a karmic bitch slap from?
Is some divine power just messing with me for fun?
Seriously, when will good luck enter the picture for me?
Will it enter the picture?
Cuz' I'm tired of being positive. I'm tired of being patient. I'm just tired.
Something good happen to me within the next week please.
Haven't I gone through enough yet?
I just want to move on to the next phase of my life.

I figure that my brother can head out during his lunch break to let me in.
If that wasn't possible, he'd be back by 3:30pm after he gets out of work.
New plan.
Drink enough beer for me to pass out in the backseat of the Benz that was mercifully left unlocked.
As a bonus, there's a blanket in the backseat.
Why the beers?
To make me forgot how uncomfortable the Benz is when you're big.
And to stop me from thinking.

When I went to sleep it was daytime. Around 1:30pm if I guessed right using the positioning of the sun.
When I woke up the streetlights were on and it was pitch black.
And I had to urinate.
Quick run to the backyard.
Probably used the same area the cats liked to have used since it smelled marvelous.
Then again, that's also where we bury all the dead animals.
Got a nice view inside my house from there.
The clock read 5:30pm.

I don't think the lady called.
Luckily my dad showed up a few minutes later to let me into the house.
So glad they were having a holiday party today and he got to leave early.
At least he got a good chuckle knowing I can survive inside the garage if needed.
Brother and mother come home from overtime work a few minutes later.
He didn't get any messages.
I don't think she called.
Checked his call log, no missed calls.
She definitely didn't call.

I have fucking LOVE HANDLES!!!
How do I look so fearsome?
I've even got a bunch of visible white hairs now.
Am I that menacing looking?
Does that justify mother's bringing there children in closer to them at the sight of me walking towards them in the mall?
*sigh*
There used to be a time where we didn't have to worry 'bout locking our doors.

So yea, here I am posting this story.
Wasted half the day.
Still broke.
Am I doing anything tonight?
Probably not.

How's life on your end?

Congrats to Gwen Stefani on the bun in the oven.
Probably look better pregnant than I do.

And cause people are still bugging me 'bout what I want for Christmas, an updated list:
(in no particular order of preference)
-Someone to be a co-borrower for me
-A good hug
-Signifigant other to take care of me when I'm feverish
-Punching bag to vent frustrations on
-Luck
-Confidence
-Trust
-Marbles
-Steady source of income

Again, I don't need gifts this year.
Cuz in my twisted sense of honor, I'm going to feel obligated to do you one even better when I'm able to.
A simple acknowledgement of my existence in the form of a phone call on Christmas weekend to keep me company while I housesit and continue the pursuit of employment will be just fine with me.

Hurrah for run-on sentences!

The Random Quote:
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas." - Various

Man, I need to stop publicly liking certain things.
Television shows and athletes in particular.
Can't help but think I'm partly to blame.
Recent changes due to my "likes."

Mistakenly admitted to a friend that I liked Kitchen Confidential.
A week later, it gets pulled off the air.
Great comedy about a chef and his crew of misfits.
At least it was.

Kareem Rush.
Was my favorite Laker until he was traded tot he Charlotte Bobcats.
Xavier Nady of the Padres.
Traded away as well as...
Akinori Otsuka.
Great relief pitcher, going away pending physical as of today.

Change, natural part of life.
Sucks sometimes though.
Maybe I just need better taste.
At the least, not be content w/ what I have.

The Random Quote:
"Sing me something soft, sad and delicate, or loud and out of key.
Sing me anything." - Straylight Run

And now a speech to fire up people still taking finals.
Because I've completely neglected to do so the past few weeks.

Hey YOU.
YOU are gonna kill your final(s) today/this week
YOU are gonna kick ass, chew bubblegum and take names.
You are gonna rape it.
Let it know who the boss is.
Tell it who it's daddy is.
Make it service you during halftime.
YOU are not gonna suck, spit, swallow, chew, or regurgitate.
YOU are gonna be just fine.
YOU did study right?

The Random Quote:
"You're the man now dawg!" - Sean Connery

Another day, another life lesson.
Today I learned that Jamba Juice stains carpets very well.
My room smells like Razmatazz now.
Good times.

Carpet in my room's supposed to be blue.
Sixteen some-odd years has made it increasingly hard to tell.
A bit of green from spilt model paint.
Lots of hot chocolate and soda spills from family parties and what-not.
Even a lil bit of blood.
No idea where that came from.

Shaving my head to retrain my hair in the wintertime probably not the smartest idea huh?
Not like I've been doin' that many smart things for the past few months anyways.
Had a 101 fever on Wednesday.
Good times.
Now I know that extreme weakness, dizziness, and sweating are a good sign to grab a thermometer.
Probably just the end result of a grand combination of lack of hair, binge drinkin' at the park w/o warm clothes at night, and insomnia over the past few months.

Missed one out of two interviews on Wednesday.
At least the management at Toys R Us were kind enough to interview me over the phone.
Have no idea what we talked 'bout though.
That whole day was a blur.
Thursday was spent mostly passed out and heavily medicated.

Sorry, not much humor here.
Still in recovery mode.

The Random Quote:
"Stop shaking your tits everytime you say no." - Anonymous

Beer and M&Ms don't really mix well together.
Isn't it great to learn something new everyday?

So yea, had a black cat run in front of my car while I was returning home from a carne asada run the other night.
Should've ran it over.
Cuz I'm the superstitious actor type.
Always have been a strong believer of luck.
Just not so much that it effects my life and causes me misfortune from worryin' 'bout it too much.
As an actor, luck's an important thing.
100+ auditions the last couple years and nothing because of my "look."

Guess I don't have to worry 'bout that anymore.
Decided to put a hold on acting for awhile.
For good? Who knows?
Status pending I guess.

Have nothing to show from all the years I've dedicated to it.
Just a bunch of strained relationships w/ my close ones, alienated friends, and no income.
Had fun when I worked, but not having any work isn't fun.
When it stops bein' fun that's when you should move on right?
Cuz you can only focus on your passion for so long until you have to be realistic.

I keep gettin' this nagging feeling that finances also played a part in the breakup.
A monthly budget of $80 would probably be a strain on any relationship.
And some people think the best things in life are free...

Speaking of finances, I need someone w/ good credit to be a co-borrower for me so I can apply for a loan to cover tuition for culinary school.
Somebody out there still has enough trust in me to be able to keep payments on time and not mess up their credit score too right?

First loan application fell thru because my credit score got shot to shit w/o my knowledge.
Started the month of December w/ a letter from a debt collection agency.
I owe $3,845.25 by the end of the month.
Thought I moved the balance of my credit cards into one card 'fore I left dorm life, since I didn't hear from my other card I thought everything was fine.
Should've paid more attention.
It didn't happen, and all the letters asking for payment were never forwarded back to my home.
Fucking lazy ass people at Chapultepec.

Should be fine though, gettin' more credit cards to cover the debt.
Man...

The Random Quote:
"It stinks." - The Critic

It's amazing the things you find in your room after cleaning it out 5 times in the past two months.
'Specially since it was 'bout 8 months since the last good cleaning.
I'm a guy, go figure.

Among the things found were old slowjam mixtapes I put together growing up in the 90's.
Full of songs that remind me of what I had and have now.
Songs I identify with.
Used to bug me, not anymore.
That's a good thing right?

But there is one song in particular that gets me teary-eyed.
An "I miss you" song.
Not one for Sandee, but for my mother.
From the context of the song, a mother that passed away.
Still haven't figured out why it bugs me so much.
My grandmother's gotten through the breast cancer ordeal fine and my mother's alive and kicking.
Albeit w/ diabetes and high blood pressure.
Don't know why that song fills me up w/ sorrow to the point of the Denzel Washington one-tear status in Glory for a good half second until the other tear duct feels jealous and decides to join in.

How does he do that?
And why is that the only song that makes me sad right now?
Why'd YOU vote for Schwarzeneger?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?

Good questions.
Any answers?

-He's too too crazy.
-'Cuz the death of either one of them would constitute rock bottom for me.
I don't want to hit rock bottom right now.
-I didn't vote for him.
-Depends on the surface area of the person licking and their technique.
I imagine that Gene Simmons or a pornstar that specializes in oral scenes would be able to reach it faster than me.

There are probably better answers out there.

The Random Quote:
"If you can dodge an STD, you can dodge a dodgeball." - Anonymous

My room is the only one in the entire house w/o a lock on the door.
Even the bathrooms get one.
What does that meam?

If a group of land pirates pillages through San Marcos and picks our house as one of their stops, I'm literally assed-out cuz it doesn't take much work to break into my room and butt-rape me.

Just thought you'd like to know.

The Random Quote:
"Arrrr!" - A pirate

So yea, drinking a 6-pack of MGDs and killing two cigars in a span of an hour and a half at a public park probably wasn't the smartest thing I've done this year.
Wasn't great for my stomach either.
It let me know by emptying out most of its contents into one of our friendly toilet bowls when I got home.
Probably lost a lb. or two so that's a positive right?

Ugh.
Glad I got that out of my system.
Sobering up real fast now.
Things didn't work out as well as everyone hoped today.
I figured as much, odds were stacked against me anyways.

No matter how much you rehearse it, it won't prepare you for the live run.
Got too emotional being so close to her again after missin' her for so long.
Lost most, if not all, of my rational thought and didn't get all the things I wanted to out there.

Again, I feel bitter.
Because there's still stuff to leave on the table.
And I never figured out how to gain her trust in me back.
That's the kicker.

Why is it that women tend to remember all the bad things and guys tend to remember all the good things?

I figure one Random Quote a day is good enough for you guys.

Sorry for the constant soul searchin' the past few weeks. I know it's been buggin' most of ya.

Why'd the monkey fall off the tree?
Because it was dead.
*Ba-Dam PSSH*

Lost in transition.

The Random Quote:
"Everything's gonna be all right." - Bob Marley

thumbs down

hope things work out better for everyone else.

Kinda sad.
Out of the 10gbs of hard drive space we have devoted to music, I could only find 16songs related to the holidays.

Hurrah for liquor stores that stay open late!
Here's to good luck in everyone's dilemmas.
*cling of the wine bottle*
*swig*

Still searchin' for a replacement for Andre Mimosa.
Suggestions are always welcome and appreciated.

The Random Quote:
"Looky looky, I got a hooky." - Rufio

And here I was thinkin' that no one used the comment button...

My bad.
Think I fixed it so that they show up immediately.

Dear Anonymous,
Yes.
Yes. I'm sad.
But you're also takin' the time to make an obvious comment on my life at almost 1am pacific time.
What does that say about you?
Whoa.

Daniel Bedingford - If You're Not The One

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine than why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you than why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you than why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you than why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me than why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me than why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you than why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, wether it's wrong or right
And 'though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you than why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
-------------------------------------

Heard this song today, and I find myself identifying with it.
At least a part of me does, gettin' real hard to organize my thoughts because of the 4hrs. of sleep I've been averagin the past few weeks due to insomnia.
Way too much shit in my head.
Alcohol helps clear some of it up.

I'm not happy.
Neither is 80% of the people on my buddy list.
Damn you Bush.

To the seven people that have been there that have given me their support:
Thank you.

The Random Quote:
"I'm ghetto, I don't scrap over the phone." - Anonymous

Other things I've realized:
-Female cleavage is a powerful tool.
-Male cleavage isn't.
-Insomnia sucks!
-I want to get my hand on the DVD and novel of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
-Also Cool Runnings.
-And The Replacements.
-Tae Bo's seriously kickin' my ass.
-The knees are good enough to run on again.
-I miss havin' cable in my room.
-42
-Bubbletea's takin' over San Diego
-Slowly growing a dislike to Penguins for the memories associated w/ them.
-Padres got Giles back.
-I should probably end this list now.
-Running out of quotes to use.
-I REALLY miss havin' cable in my room.
-My immediate support group is at least a 30+ min. journey away.
-Lite Hawaiian Punch sucks.

The Random Quote:
"In this game of life I'm not tryin' to be the M.V.P.
Cuz the enemy's the clock and referee." - J-Live

Ladies (and some guys)
If a man is willing to trim or shave his pubic hair for you, please, PLEASE take that as a definite sign of appreciation.
It takes alot of hours, water, and shaving cream to make sure there's a clean cut down there.
It's comforting to not see you coughing up pubic hairs like a cat heaves furballs.
But make sure to reward your guy that's willing to go the extra mile w/ his grooming.
And if he's willing to get waxed for you and he's not a pornstar, marry him.

Yea.
I had another massive brain fart today.
Had a great post all planned out in my head while I was out walking around the neighborhood but completely lost it when I sat in front of the keyboard.
The above topic was a moment of wit I ripped from an AIM conversation I was holding.
Hurrah for fillers!

The Random Quote:
"I ain't mad at cha." - Tupac Shakur

Things I've realized today:
-2005 sucked.
-Bush is still president.
-I should be graduated, employed, and in a happy relationship right now.
-There's some damn good hot chocolate at the Barnes & Nobles in Escondido.
-There's some bad hot chocolate tonight from the Starbuck's near CSUSM.
-I spent an hour walking around the mall w/ my fly down.
-Having a belt I bought last year bein' unable to wrap around my waist depresses me.
So do radio commercials.
And a good 8gb of music we have on our computer.
-I want a happy ending.

So the ladies can claim rape and have the guy's face and name made public record even if it turns out he's innocent while she gets to sit in total anonymity.
At least guys have old videos/pictures and access to the internet to distribute as a form of revenge.
Would I?
No.
Because...
ONE: I don't have any. Wish I did. But I don't
TWO: Because I'd have to be EXTREMELY bitter to post them on the net w/ a warning of "Avoid this psycho bitch."

Come to think of it, my first ex did make me THAT bitter.
Except there aren't any videos/pictures of the she-bitch and myself in existence.
I was still tryin' to be celibate 'til marriage back than and it would be considered illegal in the states.
Something that gets R.Kelly into trouble w/ the authorities.

The Random Quote:
"...so than my heart became cold like the Austrian Alps." - Last Emperor

still w/ that "study group" huh?

Just realized that I've been posting on a daily basis.
Wow.

House is running on wireless internet now, lot quicker than the services provided by our old provider.
COX.
I hate COX.
I don't want COX as a part of my personal life.
I don't need COX to provide anything to me.
Fun w/ words.

I think I've officially ran out of things to do on the internet that don't require the use of money.

Wish I had English major friends to help me edit stuff.
Can't remember if I covered everything.
Can't even remember why I started this post.

Man.
I probably am gonna be a senile old man.
Hopefully the one that refers to everyone as Tim.

Currently enjoying the sound made by a quarter when you flick it w/ your thumb.

The Random Quote:
"Tis only a flesh wound." - Month Python

Thought I was fine
Thought I got everything out of my system the first few days.
Fucking triggers.

I heard a commercial for a place I visited earlier this year during Thanksgiving Week and it just sent me into a major state of depression.
Still dealin' with it.

But hey!
At least when I got home yesterday I found my brother's brand new car had taken my parking place.
2006 Honda Civic
Only one left in San Diego County.
Apparently one of the easiest cars to break into also.
Yea, insurance is gonna be a bitch.
Putting massive mileage on the new car while my brother's away at UCSB and having it completely paid off by the time he comes back is a good thing right?

Like two good job interviews.
Glad to know that my faith in myself to impress people when I need to is still intact.

I need a drink.
Alcholic or non-alcoholic?
Who knows?
Such a fun question.

The Random Quote:
"I've seen better shows in my pants." - Anonymous

Just wanted to thank everyone that's been calling me up lately.
Even if it's just to let me know that you farted, it's very much appreciated.
Because I don't really like reaching out to people.
Hate to impose my troubles on other people.

Also wanted to share this with everyone.
It's been consistently making me smile everytime I watch it.
At least this gives me happiness in knowing I can put those lessons to use, just need to find the right song.
Mime class.
You'd think it'd be an optional course, not a mandatory one for a degree.
At least the final got rained out.

So yea, I'm starting to think my mother just zones out whenever my mouth starts moving.
I'll explain something to her, but she won't accept it as fact until she comfirms w/ a second, third, fourth, and fifth party.
Think I sound like the adults in a Peanuts cartoon to her.
Probably just tried of hearing my voice.

Current X-mas wishlist:
-A signifigant other to keep me warm during chilly nights.
-A punching bag to vent my frustrations on.

Pretty much it.
I've been nice this year right Santa?

Completely forgot what I was gonna post 'bout originally.

The Random Quote:
"Having a cute ass won't get you thru life forever. When you turn 30 you better hope you get have personality." - Anonymous

Yes.
I did get the idea for my voicemail from Rent, the musical.
Used a few years back but it just ended up confusing people and not gettin' me any messages.
Want to watch the movie.
Just feels too akward to watch it by myself at the theater.

For that matter, EVERYTHING feels akward by myself.
I want to go on some BBQ runs to SeaWorld, just need to find company.

To those that are surprised that I commute 30+ mins. for quality ribs, I also commute 40+ mins for funnel cake.

Quick update on self for those that want it:
-Sprained a toe.
-Contracted some sort of stomach virus.
-Insomnia hasn't gotten any better.
-Two job interviews this week.
-Garage got fixed awhile back, still waiting on an extra remote.

That shows some improvement in my luck right?
Just not enough to win the lottery though.
Damn bills.

And now a limerick for your enjoyment.

There once was a man from Nantucket.
An old man.
An old man from Nantucket w/ a dog.
An old man from Nantucker w/ a dog that wasn't as old as him.
Unless you take into account dog years.
Than it'd be an old man from Nantucket w/ an old dog.
An old man from Nantucket w/ an old dog and a bucket.
A slightly dirty bucket.
An old man from Nantucket w/ an old dog and a slightly dirty bucket w/ a...

Nope, creativity's still a bit lacking.
Insomnia might have something to do w/ it.

The Random Quote:
"I'm tired of quoting myself." - Reg

Came home from aimless driving around to find something else to bug me...

My brother took my boxset DVD collection of The Critic w/ him to UCSB.
El Bastardo that one is.
And I was just talkin' 'bout that show today too.

Could've sworn a "hottie" was making a pass at me while I was taking a break from the aimless driving to grub today.
Walked out of the L&L Hawaiin BBQ in Mira Mesa and had myself wonderin'...
"Was she?"
"FUCK!!!"
"Cuz constantly looking over her shoulder and smiling at me is a positive sign to start conversation right?"
"FUCK!!!"
Damn mental chaos in my head right now.
Great food, and very filling portions there by the way.

At least I got hot chocolate as a consolation prize.
Closest thing to "comfort food" for me that cocoa is.

Voice hurts.
It's all ragged and sore from all the screaming/singing I've been doin' the past few days.
Hurrah for white people music!
Maybe it's just a keepsake from my brother.
The Goober strikes again.

Hey! I mentioned YOU in my post twice today. Aren't ya proud?
Stop biting me and giving my phrases to your friend.
Next thing you know you'll be taking my new voice message.
"Speak."

Yup.
That's it.
Simplicity's a great thing isn't it?

Christopher Walken wanted more cow bell to make great music.
I'd like more synthesizer.

The Random Quote:
"I'm eatable too. But that's called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most countries." - Willy Wonka(2005)

To those that are worried 'bout me bein' depressed, you don't have to be.
Now I'm irate.
Also frustrated.
Financially, emotionally, and physically.

A special "fuck YOU" to the person that set me off like this.
Reason why, questioning who the real victim is in this breakup.
Use your fucking brain!
You know, that tiny lil thing inside your vacant head that got you into college in the first place.
Or did you just use a diffrent "head" to get to where you are?

I don't know who the victim is.
All I know is that I'm unhappy and the past two months have been fucktastic.

Really need to vent right now.
But I'm too polite to wake anyone up, nobody's online, and everyone's asleep in my household.
Probably not the smartest thing to do it online either.
Damn rational self.

The Random Quote:
"AAAAAAAAAUUUUGH!!!" - Charlie Brown

So yea, came across this site while doing the online portion of job hunting today.

Pretty interesting huh?
Pay to vent, or get paid to listen.
Experience says I should be good at it.
But I can't help thinkin' that one day I'm just gonna explode.

"WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK WETHER OR NOT YOUR CAT WON'T PLAY WITH IT'S TOY?!"

We all have limits to our patience.
Mine has been slowly nipped at the past few years.

"Actor's have no shame."
That doesn't mean that they don't have feelings.

Kinda slipped a few days back and let my immediate family in on my pain.
What do you do when the person that's supposed to be a consistent source of humor turns out to be depressed?
The reactions are interesting.
My family gives me LOTS of space and acts like nothing's wrong.

I forget I don't update everyone on a daily basis as to what happened to me.
Cuz I'm not a major fan of "small talk." That's all I do when I audition in L.A.
"How's the kids?"
"How's the dog?"
"Do you really give a fuck 'bout me?"
So yea, if I say "nothing" when you ask me how my day was, it's probably because I don't like talkin' 'bout failed auditions.
And there are alot of 'em.
Just because of my "look"
Haven't had a good ego boost in quite awhile.

Hey YOU. YOU are fucking AWESOME!

Someone remind me to never again try "Black Friday" shopping.
The violent masses grabbin' at everything in the store like lonely women at a Chippendale's show is kinda scary.

If awesomeness isn't a word, it should be.

The Random Quote:
"get things off-your chest anytime." -instantlistener

Team America: World Police - End Of An Act

I miss you more than Micheal Bay missed the mark
When he made Pearl Harbor
I miss you more than that movie missed the point
And that's an awful lot girl
And now, now you've gone away
And all I'm trying to say
Is Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you

I need you more than Ben Affleck needs acting school
He was terrible in that film
I need you more than Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part
He's way better than Ben Affleck
And now, all I can think of is your smile
And that shitty movie too
Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you

(interlude)

Why does Micheal Bay get to keep making movies
I guess Pearl Harbor sucked
Just a little bit more than I miss you

Almost a month after the breakup and analyzing my feelings I find myself missing YOU.
By YOU I mean Sandee.
I miss YOU.
More than the suckiness of Pearl Harbor and Alexander combined.
Yes. That much.

Why won't anybody take Alexander off my hands?
Is the fact that I'm giving it away for free a warning sign to people?
Really tempted to put it on Ebay.
Will pay YOU to get rid of DVD.
DVD, cash in an envelope, free shipping, and a note saying "thank you."

I honestly tried my best to like the movie.
It's just a sad miss.
It happens.
Like Gigli.
Ben Affleck's a good actor.
Watch Boiler Room.

So yea, new layout.
You like?
Finally got the comments up and running too.
Hurrah for trial and error.

If I tell you I'm fine, I'm probably lying.
At least my acting skills're still up to par.

The Random Quote:
"Wax on, wax off." -Pat Morita [1932 - 2005]

Something fun, and good advice for all the people commuting this holiday weekend.

The Rugburns - Hitchhiker Joe

Don't pick up hitchhiker Joe
He'll slit your throat cut off your big toe, I tell ya
He'll make you smile from ear to ear
Gonna lock you in the trunk for ninety-nine years
Don't do it now

Bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom

My best friend Eddie called from L.A.
Said we'd have dinner that day
I've got a feeling, and it's more than a hunch
My poor friend Eddie was that hitchhiker's lunch

Don't pick up hitchhiker Joe
He'll slit your throat cut off your big toe, I tell ya
He'll make you smile from ear to ear
Gonna lock you in the trunk for ninety-nine years
Don't do it now

Bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom

Hitchhiker Joe ain't no vegetarian
If you see him on the highway steer clear of him
He got a knife in his sock
And a razor up his sleeve
And a chainsaw in his pack
But his gonna make you bleed yeah, yeah

Bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom

My girlfriend Lois called from Tallahassee
She picked up that dude at the spam factory
That was the last time that I saw her smile
My best advice, don't eat spam for awhile

[repeat 'til boredom/fade]
Don't pick up hitchhiker Joe
He'll slit your throat cut off your big toe, I tell ya
He'll make you smile from ear to ear
Gonna lock you in the trunk for ninety-nine years
Don't do it now

Bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom

Bom
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom,
Bom, bom, bom, bom

Happy grub alot than feel bad about it the next day day!
Because you're gonna start excercising more and dieting better the next day right?

I feel like Eeyore.

The Random Quote:
"Gobble gobble" - Anonymous

So a bunch of you out there have been wondering 'bout Jason and Jane.
Sadly, they no longer work together.
However, there awesomeness that's comprised of their voice, writing, and arranging can still be found intact in their respective solo ventures.

J-Turtle (Jason) can be found here.
Jane can be found here.

Get out there and support there asses.
While we're at, support the asses of all SD artists.
Fuck it, support the arts in all of its ass-like glory.

So yea, a few days back I came home in time for my winamp to play me Elvis Costello w/ Burt Bacharach performing I'll Never Fall In Love Again.

Is some higher power sending me a message?
Possibly.
With 10gb of music stored on our computer it is quite a coincidence don't you think?
Maybe.

There are alot of sad, lonely, and depressed listeners out there.
The same can be said of artists.
I figure it's just market appeal and the slight depression I deal w/ that actually makes me notice these songs as of late.
Even if the song sounds happy, pay attention to the lyrics.
It might not be meant for the happy crowd.

My younger brother's roomate has issues.
More than likely.
But he's innocent 'til proven guilty right?
Not according to the UCSB student paper.
His name's posted all over the place.

Most women say they want a man that can make them laugh.
What if it's the size of his penis that's the source of humor?

Prince Charming's a major scrub if you think about it.
Lives w/ his parents, no real job, no aspirations in life, and he usually has someone providing transportation for him.

Insomnia sucks.

The Random Quote:
"Once the game is over, the king and pawn go back into the same box." - Anonymous

Brother's back from UCSB, complete w/ a bad cough.
Which can only mean one thing...

Someone currently in this household will get sick by the time he leaves.
Hopefully it's not the ultra-cute niece.
She has her own webpage.

A good seven hours on the journey to pick up my brother today has taught me that maybe I'm not the long-distance road warrior I used to be.
My butt's soar.
Maybe it's the seat's fault.
Probably not though.

Aside from the rush hour traffic, I like drivin' up to Santa Barbara.
Lots of great scenery.
Glimpse of what old San Marcos used to look like.
One of these days I'll get around to posting pictures so you can see what you're missing out on.

*Sigh*
Sure do miss the fresh breeze of the coastline.

Things to do in the future:
-Ride train.
-Explore everything Santa Barbara has to offer.
-Eat at the DLG.
-Find someone to do previously stated things with.

There's a great tagger in L.A. that goes by the handle Aloe.
Good times.

Going 60mph in the carpool lane when there is clearly a HUGE line forming behind you and a great deal of space in front of you, not really qualifying as good times.

Signal lights are a necessity, not an option.

The Random Quote:
"No." - Elena

With the way things have transpired in my life recently people have been wondering if there's anything I'd actually be thankful this coming Thanksgiving.

Yes.
Yes there is.

I'm thankful I'm able to walk around on my own two legs everyday.
I'm thankful that my third leg functions properly.
I'm thankful that there's a roof over my head w/ running water and electricity.
I'm thankful that after many endeavors w/ little results, my parents barely have enough trust in me to let me take over house payments when they retire in a few years.

Yes. I said barely.
To go into more details would just lead to more depression.
I'm tired of that.

So yea.
Most of my online time recently has been spent at Grab.com
More specifically, on a game called Text Twist.
Basically you're given six letters and try to come up w/ as many words as possible before the timer runs out.
You're only allowed to progress if you manage to find the six letter word(s).
In essence, this is a game that tests your vocab.

More than likely you're gonna find yourself losing.
Constantly.
And feeling like an idiot when you're unable to come up w/ the word and find yourself saying: "PENURY, duh!"

Still have no idea what that means.
I keep playing though.
Because it's fun havin' it eat away at a piece of my soul when I lose in this eternal struggle.
If anything, to give myself a sense of accomplishment when I actually score better than my current avg.

14,725

But than you realize that your ex has a high score of 149,830.
Also the current all-time high score is 17,948,180.

Good times.

The Random Quote:
"The tighter the money, the tighter the dress." - Anonymous

Yes. It was an actual rabbit's foot, bone and all.
Don't blame me though.
The 80's were barbaric times.
Far from the world of Dr. Phil, Atkins, Wi-Fi Internet, and Emo.

I was born in '82 but most of my memories come from the 90's
That was a decade of quality programming for young viewers wasn't it?
Shows like Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, Saved by the Bell, and California Dreams.
Great shows that tricked us through entertainment into learning life lessons and general knowledge.
Take this song as an example from the Animaniacs.

Yakko's World

United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama
Haiti, Jamaica, Peru,
Republic Dominican, Cuba, Carribean
Greenland, El Salvador too.
Puerto Rico, Columbia, Venezuela
Honduras, Guyana, and still,
Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina
And Ecuador, Chile, Brazil.
Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda
Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan,
Paraguay, Uruguay, Surinam
And French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam.

Norway, and Sweden, and Iceland, and Finland
And Germany now one piece,
Switzerland, Austria, Czechoslovakia
Italy, Turkey, and Greece.
Poland, Romania, Scotland, Albania
Ireland, Russia, Oman,
Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia
Hungary, Cyprus, Iraq, and Iran.
There's Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan
Both Yemens, Kuwait, and Bahrain,
The Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Portugal
France, England, Denmark, and Spain.

India, Pakistan, Burma, Afghanistan
Thailand, Nepal, and Bhutan,
Kampuchea, Malaysia, then Bangladesh (Asia)
And China, Korea, Japan.
Mongolia, Laos, and Tibet, Indonesia
The Philippine Islands, Taiwan,
Sri Lanka, New Guinea, Sumatra, New Zealand
Then Borneo, and Vietnam.
Tunisia, Morocco, Uganda, Angola
Zimbabwe, Djibouti, Botswana,
Mozambique, Zambia, Swaziland, Gambia
Guinea, Algeria, Ghana.

Burundi, Lesotho, and Malawi, Togo
The Spanish Sahara is gone,
Niger, Nigeria, Chad, and Liberia
Egypt, Benin, and Gabon.
Tanzania, Somalia, Kenya, and Mali
Sierra Leone, and Algiers,
Dahomey, Namibia, Senegal, Libya
Cameroon, Congo, Zaire.
Ethiopia, Guinea-Bissau, Madagascar
Rwanda, Mahore, and Cayman,
Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Yugoslavia...
Crete, Mauritania
Then Transylviania,
Monaco, Liechtenstein
Malta, and Palestine,
Fiji, Australia, Sudan.

Crazy. Just crazy.
That somebody would spend the time to arrange all the nations of the world in such a way that it rhymed and could be sung.
Our current youngins are missing out aren't they?
Writers just don't do that these days, or possibly aren't allowed to.
Whatever happened to positive messages in children's programming?
Like a silver bodied, green haired superhero telling you that "the power is yours" to effect the environment in a positive way?

Guess I'm just gettin' old.
That's how I felt chillin' w/ most of the "New School" Rho Dawgs and Pledge Dawgs tonight.
It feels weird being one of the only few people in the room that can legally buy their own alcohol.

To the young cats:
Turning 21's overrated.
Soon as you wake up the next day and get over your hangover you realize that you can buy alcohol on your own.
That's the buzzkill.
Because it's legal.

Wedding this weekend.
I'm not invited though, 'nother lonely weekend for me.
At least I've got a bunch of new electronic gadgets to install.

The Random Quote:
"I want to make a jigsaw that's 40,000 pieces and when you finish it it says: GO OUTSIDE" -Demetri Martin

Radiohead - Creep

When you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye
Your just like an angel, your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice, when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out the door...
She's running out, she run, run, run, ruuuuuunnnnnnn
Ruuuuuuuuunnnnnn

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so FUCKING special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

I don't belong here...

So yea, I've been hearing that song constantly everywhere.
Is some higher power tryin' to tell me something?
Probably.

I'm a creep that didn't win the $310 megamillion lottery.
Because some guy from Anaheim did.
ANAHEIM CALIFORNIA.
Think he really needs it?

Probably not the message I'm supposed to get, but it's really hard to analyze things lately.
Like the lessons learned from broken relationships.
Best I can come up w/ right now is to stop gettin' into relationships because at the end you're just going to get mind-fucked royally.

I hope no one's taking me too seriously.
I like using humor to get me thru things.
A self-defense method I developed growing up along w/ keeping to myself.
If you haven't noticed that over the years you've known me, YOU need to get to know me better.
Or at the least let me know if it bugs YOU right away.

Shit.
Kinda in angry mode right now.
Cuz of some unknown mishap while waiting on the results of a drug test and background check I'm back to job hunting again because they've already filled the positions.

Maybe I just need better references.
Or a first newborn sacrifice to change my luck.
Four leaf clover or a rabbit's foot maybe?
Used to have a pink one, older brother kept the blue one for himself.

Yup.
Running out of interesting Random Quotes to give to you.

The Random Quote:
"Bush hates black people." - Kanye West

1500+ hits
+ 900 hits 'fore the counter re-started for no reason
-400 hits from myself for editing purposes
= at least 2000 reads since I started this blog up out of boredom and peer pressure.

Thank you for your time.
I'm really hoping I haven't wasted any of it yet.

A special thank you to Trey Songz for restoring my faith in modern R&B.
Lately it's been crap. People're gettin' lazy and uninspired in the industry.
Whatever happened to quality, original stuff?

Guess you can apply that to the movie industry too.

Whatever happened to quality, original stuff?
Every once in awhile we'll get quality films, but for the most part the industry has been in a damn big hurry to ruin classic movies and original ideas from foreign countries.

Eh. If I were a dwarf I'd be Grumpy right now.
I'd also be short, and have the ideal long beard I hope to have when I'm an old man.

So my grandchildren can swing on it.
If I have grandchildren.

With the way past relationships have worked out for me that guy constantly soliciting me for a "discreet blowjob" from the fuckbuddy website keeps looking more and more tempting.
Think I'd end up bein' a "switch-hitter" or even outright switch teams?

I don't know.
For that matter, I don't know anything.
Kinda braindead at the moment.
Guess you can use that as an explanation for this post lacking substance.

For a more quality read click here.

Well, at least I'm posting on a more consistent basis.

The Random Quote:
"Just to see that smile upon your face I know I
Just gotta make it, aright, just gotta make it" - from Trey Songz's Gotta Make It

Tried going to sleep...
Just not happening right now.

Is it possible that I'm sooo bored right now that I can't fall asleep?
Hell. If great female cleavage gets me kinda depressed these days than I guess it is.

Saw Jarhead w/ one of my awesome Greek lils this weekend.
Great movie. I recommend a viewing.
Just a couple scenes that bugged me on a personal level. To go into further detail would just get me all fired up and I don't want to do that right now.
Only fun posts for awhile.
Just to let you know, it has to deal w/ relationships.

So yea, I recently found out that about 6 months ago they stopped producing my favorite "ghetto champagne" Andre Mimosa.
Sad times continue.
Because apparently they realized that people can just make it themselves w/ their favorite champagne and some orange juice.
But dammit. Sometimes you're too drunk or lazy to do that yourself.
It was the perfect morning beverage, 'specially after a long night of drinking.

I shall miss thee friend.

Another thing I did this weekend was try to find a replacement.
I got 4 seperate bottles of reasonably priced wine, no more than $5 each and went into analytical mode.
With a notepad in hand I tackled each wine bottle and took down notes.
Taking time in-between bottles to drink water, sober up and get it out of my system.
The notes are legible. Give my tolerance more credit.
And they are damn good notes w/ each wine getting it's on paper.
It's just that I forgot to take note of which bottle went with which number.
Good times, I know.
I also already recycled the bottles because I'm conscientious of Mother Earth.

Long story short, the trials start again next weekend.
Funded in part by the old bottles.
Because recycling pays off!
*Smile* *Smile* *thumbs up*

Whew!
And people thought all the years I've spent studying the art of acting have been wasted...

The Random Quote:
"I don't like haikus.
I never get the meaning,
and I always forget how many syllables go in the last line." - Anonymous

Had an obscenely great post typed up the other day that probably would've just altered the way you approach life in a positive way.
It got lost in the internet.

Since I've used up all my creativity working on projects to keep myself busy over the past few weeks you get this weak unispired post.

.......FUCK I'M BORED!!!

Low on cash, out of hobbies, and home alone again because my parents don't have to worry 'bout unexpected grandchildren coming from my direction.
The only explanation I can come up with as to why my house is always so empty these days.
'Cuz it wasn't like this last month.

Why do the hard-liquor bottles have to be so appealing?
Don't worry peeps, I'm not slowly degrading to the alkie days of high school.
It's just that I look at them and hear them say to me: "look at me, caress me, and let my sweet nectar slur your speech."

Yea.
There's really no point to this post. Just keeping myself busy.

Someone remind me to stop watching Everyday Italian on the Food Network.
Great recipes, stunningly beautiful host, it just gets me depressed sometimes though.

Fucking memories.
Reminds me of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Good movie. I recommend a viewing.

Yup.

The Random Quote:
"When all of your tears dry, let your troubles roll by." - Carbon Leaf

The following is an excerpt from "Freak Me" as performed by Silk.

Let me lick you up and down til you say stop.
Let me play with your body baby make you real hot.
Let me do all the things you want me to do.
Cuz tonight baby, I wanna get freaky with you.

So Silk is an old school R&B group from the 90's.
They're gonna be performing at Pechanga this month.
Please take into account that they're probably in their mid to late 30's and that they'll most likely be performing this song as it was one of their best selling singles.
Anybody else finding humor in this?

So yea.
If you haven't noticed yet, random post coming your way.
Slowly getting back to form. Multi-tasking skills aren't as up to par as they used to be.

Does anybody remember what the curfew was for the gremlins and feeding them?

A close friend brought up a good point tonight.
Why DON'T we have chinese food delivery here in San Diego?

Couple online friends peer pressured me into signing up for an online fuckbuddy finder site.
Even put together my profile for me and clearly made it known that I was a single male looking for single females.
So the first response I got the next day is a guy asking if I wanted a discreet blowjob.

Garage still broken, won't be fixed 'til Thursday.

Pussycat Dolls - Stickwithu
Doesn't really apply to me, but it keeps gettin' stuck in my head.
Their "lead singer" from Eden's Crush is beautiful huh?

Kinda like Rosario Dawson, which is one of the only things I liked 'bout Alexander.
Cuz I'm a bigger fan of the breasts than of the buttocks.

I am worth $2,264,094 on HumanForSale.com

Everyone deserves a good ego boost every once in awhile.
And a good hug.
Maybe even a good blowjob.
Definitely a good hug.
Possibly some cash.

Waaaay too much freetime on my hands right now.

'Til next time.

The Random Quote:
"Remember boys: Flies spread disease. Keep yours closed." - Band of Brothers

Been meaning to post sooner but Blogger has been having issues w/ me.

Something bad: Migraines since Thursday.
Something good: Got car out of broken garage.
Bad: Sprained left thumb doing so.
Good: Tina Kim - Saw her show on Saturday, good times.
Bad: Alexander - You'd think that if they have a section for Special FEATURES they'd have more than ONE.
Good: Don't need grammar online
Bad: Some of my friends that read this are teachers.
Good/Bad(?): Secretly saved cash for tropical getaway/dolphin interaction as a grad gift for Sandee is now available to me. Doesn't really matter because....
Bad: Blew $500+ at the casino tryin' to see if my luck was turnin' around yet.
Good: Spent around $80 at the bar and didn't suffer from beer goggles.
Good: Lakers
Good: Chargers
Good: 3dvds for $25 deal at Blockbuster
Good: Switchin' to satellite.
Bad: The slow response times from complaints to COX cable and the speed at which they disconnect our cable after we cancel our subscription.

So yea. That's basically everything that's happened since my last post.
To those that are wondering: I'm OK.
Apologies to those that got depressed reading my past few posts.
I'm back to "laughing off problems" mode so hopefully this Online Journal Thingy will go back to what it was originally intended for...

To let people discover the undercover dork that lies beneath my quiet exterior.

Gemini, good fun.

The Random Quote:
"America! Fuck yeah!" - Team America: World Police

Wanted to start things off by noting that my greek lils ROCK!!
We have trouble keeping in touch w/ each other but we can be content knowing that we'll always be there for one another.
Thanks for switching me back to intellectual mode.

Interesting how we all ran into relationship problems at the same time.

Is there something to blame?
Probably not.
For now I'll just put the blame on El Presidente and the Governor of California.
Because I can, and I disagree w/ the majority of there decisions.
But let's not talk politics, that's how you lose friends.

Anybody else see the recent natural disasters around the world as Mother Nature's way of saying: "Bush, you messed up." ?

Eh.
Just falling back on my sarcasm and dark humor to get me thru life at the moment.

To those who think I hit rock bottom....
Wait. There's more!! *spit flying*

Our crap I-Drive garage opener installed by Martin's Garage based in the 714 area code has decided to completely crap out on us.
Completely unable to move. With my car conveniently trapped inside.
Talked to them in the morning, still waiting on there return call.

Had a long conversation w/ Sandee yesterday.[Ed.note: Sorry Mar, this was before I got your message.]
Got to figure out what went wrong and learn that "someday" we might get together again.
Feeling better since we could leave on good terms and not have to deal w/ the self-hate, self-doubt that's been plaguing me the past few weeks.

Would I accept her back into my life?
Definitely.
It's waaaaay too expensive being single.
Spent my last two paychecks going out to get away from my house.
Cash only when you go out people, don't bring your debit card like I did.
Almost a $200 tab.
Eeeeee....

'Sides, I'm not built for the "manwhore" lifestyle anymore. Mainly because of finances.
Costs too much these days.
$20 avg. for a movie
+Dinner
+Alchol to work faster than charm
+Condoms
+Hotel/Motel/Limo
=Taaad bit too much for me just to release some tension.

Better off just gettin' an escort.
Got my last paycheck still.
Should I?
Would I?

I'll leave that up to you to decide 'til my next post.
Which might be often since I have so much freetime now.
Maybe multi-posts in a month or even....
a DAY!

EGADS!

The Random Quote:
"I the papi!" - Life the movie

As of late, I normally don't post more than once a month.
Technically, not even that often this year.
Consider yourself fortunate.

The thing is, this month has been magnificently horrible for myself.
We've all had those right?
Where NOTHING seems to be going right for you.

To clear my mind and give you an idea of what's been happening to me I'm gonna give you a small sample.

10/11/05 - g/f of the past 3 and 1/2 yrs. wants to take break. Outburst comes out of nowhere.
10/18/05 - I (not my car) get hit by an old lady in parking lot of the North County Fair Mall. Left knee still currently bugging the hell out of me
10/29/05 - On the hunt for a new job since my old one had no need of me anymore. Dangers of being a temp.
10/31/05 - Officially step into the single life.

That's right.
You read it.
We're broken up now and apparently there's no chance of us getting back together.
Pretty much her decision on everything. Not even a great breakup makeout session, blowjob, sex, whatever.

HAPPY FUCKING HALLOWEEN!!!

I've been dealing w/ paralyzing depression for two weeks. Let's switch to anger right now shall we?
Three and a half years. Give or take a few weeks that I could give a fuck over about.
Reaaaalllly hard not to think that it was all just wasted time.
Just seeing her deal w/ it just pisses me off even more, it doesn't hurt as much for her because this decision has been on her mind for quite awhile apparently.
With all the shit I've had to support, take and deal w/ from her, you'd think that she'd be able to deal w/ one issue.
ONE FUCKING ISSUE
Nope. Too much for her. Don't even know if she tried to attempt to understand from my point of view and see how I can't change my convictions.
It WON'T get better if I do.
I know I have trust issues. But can you blame me? I've been gettin' fucked over for the most part in my life everytime I place my trust/faith/goodwill in someone.

*sigh*
The thing I hate 'bout most in ending a relationship is changing my lifestyle around. That's how I deal w/ it.
Gotta get away from the things that remind me of my ex... never get used to typing that.

I apologize for the lack of order in this post, but it is understandable and fits my MO right?

I'm just a sad, lonely, pathetic, sobbing in the most non-manliness way possible right now state of mess.
The gambit of emotions I've been dealing w/ the past couple of weeks... take that and multiply it by an obscene amount to deal w/ the new waves of emotion I'm dealing w/ at the moment.
So you can count this as an official call for help. Since we decided to go on break I've only had three phone calls. Sandee's call today being the third.

Help.
Damnit...

The Random Quote:
"I should be leaving now..." -Sandee

Jason and Jane - Drowning

Take me down to the aisle I had found
Scarring wounds with dirty lips and tears of salt
Daily bread, yet until my hunger's fed
I won't know until the end I had it all

I'm breathing deep
Burning on the inside since I never knew it'd be

I could lose my mind to find that I had had it all
One more day gone by and still I'm drowning

I'll admit that my mind just wasn't set
Although clarity and time were at my side
We'd talk the fools, couldn't live the rules
With an apathetic world to abide by

I'm breathing deep
Burning on the inside since I never knew it'd be

I could lose my mind to find that I had had it all
One more day gone by and still I'm drowning

Why'd I lose my mind when I was looking for it all
All these days gone by you know I'm drowning

So what ever happened?

Think I transcribed that right.
Song's on heavy rotation in my winamp because I can identify w/ it at the moment.

It's easy to tell when I'm dealing w/ inner chaos.
Just look for the smoke trail.
I'm just surprised I'm at two packs a week right now.

So what do you do when your immediate support group has absolutely no faith or trust in you?
It's like they feel obligated to help me urinate properly.
Usually I just rely on my inner-strength but that's been heavily worn down over the years.
Think I'm at 2 1/2 breakdowns right now at age 23.

For all the new readers and everyone else:
Hey YOU. How's life?
We apologize for the inconvenience.
Your standard insight and humor will return when I'm able to clear my head and figure out what the hell has happened.

The Random Quote:
"I think he wants to kill us to use the insurance to pay off the house." -Parental Unit Male